Of course keeping with all my other posts I'm going to talk about my relationship with my husband.
Ahhh, lets see, in the interest of full disclosure and the fact that I will probably never see you again Prof Tucker (not that I didn't like your class I just don't need anymore com classes for my degree) I must say yes, I am in fact a home wrecker and I did steal my husband from his ex wife... oops.... but that's what makes this story so interesting and what makes our relationship so strong. Lets start from the beginning.....
I worked with my husband in the Army for 2 years before I even spoke to him, I didn't think he was attractive I really wanted nothing to do with him he didn't fit the description of the guys I dated. Not a dick, not in to partying and drinking not always the center of attention like myself and oh yeah he was married. We deployed together and worked together daily but never a word outside of mission planning and talking to each other as one flight instructor to the other on missions. After 2 years of this our unit had a tactical dinning in. Its where all the people in the unit get super drunk and party in the hanger and its actually required that you be there... kind of a unit team building thing and oh by the way you can not bring your family, it is strictly people from the unit. For some reason on this day perhaps it was the amount of liquor we had both consumed but out of the blue i walked up to him and whispered in his ear, I know what you and my room mate did. (they had made out like a year earlier on deployment and for some reason i felt like this of all things was a good conversation starter again must have been from the drinking lol). The night progressed and we were inseparable we went everywhere together and eventually ended up hooking up where else but the conference room table in the mission planning room where we faced each other every day for work. After that we were done, we didn't talk except for work again that is until his wife decided she thought we were sleeping together (we were not) he was married I was married we chalked it up to being drunk. She made a huge stink about it and put both of us threw hell and finally our unit commander gave in and just to get her off his back gave us both Article 15's and put us on extra duty together... Basically every day after work and on the weekend he and I had to work ALONE TOGETHER from 5 pm till 10 pm in an empty office cleaning and painting and of course you know me i had to get wine and liquor involved in it. These 2 weeks of extra duty is really where our relationship started to grow we found out so much about each other and really started to like each other. (looks like his whiny wife shot her self in the foot) Soon after, about 2 weeks he moved out of his ex wives house and about a month prior to that my husband and I separated and he pretty much disappeared (noticed we did not get divorced). After he moved out they started their divorce proceeding and less then a month after that he was moved in to my house (also still married).
About 4 months later I had to move to DC for my new unit and he thought we would be done and that he was never going to see me again, instead he ended up moving up here as soon as he got out of the army and between that time combined we made 21 trips to and from El Paso and DC. Shortly after he moved in we got engaged and then got pregnant and married and had our first child, then 6 months after the first we got pregnant with a 2nd which ended in a miscarriage then the following month I got pregnant again with our 2nd child. After the second was born that's when things really went down hill. I had a horrible bout with Post Partum Depression but didn't realize that was what was wrong until I had basically ruined my marriage by basically having an affair with someone else even tho it was only like a mental affair because I felt like I wasn't getting what I wanted from my husband mentally. After all that happened that is where i picked up on my previous post about having a talk with him and starting from scratch with him and getting to know each other all over again.
There were so many things in our relationship that have just made it stronger, its the adage of what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. From the rocky questionable way our whole relationship started to the fact even when his ex wife was trying to get us in trouble and instead of giving in we kept on dating to having a baby when we had only been married 4 months even the miscarriage and then of course the affair made us stronger. It made me realize that no matter what happens I can make it threw it with my husband by my side and that he loves me more then I could ever imagine someone loving me. I guess if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing even with all the horrible pain and suffering we went threw it has made our relationship what it is today and with out all those things we worked threw pretty much since day one who knows if we would have made it.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
#5
The interaction I am writing about is with my husband. Over the last year we have had some serious, SERIOUS issues... ( i think you get the pictuer) anyways after everything happend and I came clean about everything we had it out and then once the crying was over we sat down outside next to the pool and just talked. We talked about everything, life, our kids, our pasts our families, school, work, the grass and trees EVERYTHING... This was the real turning point in our realitionship even tho we have been married for 4 years tomorrow. It was like getting to know each other all over and like starting fresh and saying this is it, we are forgetting about all the bad stuff and everything that we had done and started a new together. It was from that talk that my parents ended up moving in with us and that I quit my job less then a week later to stay home with our kids. Getting to know my husband and having a real talk with him after so long of shutting each other out, or rather me shutting him out and doing my own thing helped me understand what he was thinking and helped me understand what I had been thinking and made everything clear for me.
#4
The person I chose to write about was Gigi. This is my life to a "T" during some periods before I got married. I would obsess about a guy calling me back. I had a history of sleeping with guys just because I thought it would get them to like me but all along I still played it like everything is ok everything is great I don't need him to call me back but inside I was going crazy wondering why he wasn't calling or at least "myspacing me/ICQ'ing" (yes I'm old ok, myspace was still cool and so was ICQ when I was doing this lol) I would carry my phone around with me constantly just waiting no matter what I was doing it was crazy. Major difference between her and I, she got with the "friend" no me... on no, i never got the friend that i wanted.... I think Gigi just needed to relax a little, I think when you give off that desperate vibe guys sense it and realize hey she will just sleep with me and that's good enough for them. Once I grew up a little bit and realized i didn't need a guy and became more confident in myself guy like flocked to me lol.. well maybe not flocked but you get the picture. I became a better communicator and everything and Gigi needed to get that done and once she did her life evened out and she ended up getting what she wanted.
Entry #3
Currently I am not really "in" a conflict but being married I am in an ongoing conflict. :) My husband and I have 1 thing that we are always having an issue with... his ex wife.... I have issues with his child support (its to much and he won't fight it) I have issues with him never talking to me about her (she got married, divorced and re-married and I found out from his daughter after the fact) and I have issues with her because she is a heinous, evil, bitch and he never stands up to her when she is telling their daughter horrible things about me (I'm a home wrecker, I'm the reason she doesn't have a daddy anymore, oh and I'm a whore, AWESOME!) Anyways, my husband is the classic avoider in arguments, he would just as soon never even talk about it... whatever "it" is. I on the other hand have to argue, its in my blood, i find myself just looking for things to say to him to get him to tell me about whats going on with his ex wife and his daughter with out saying it directly. I know it will always bring up a fight and I can't help it, i just have to do it.. I'm a very competitive person by nature and always must win. I can see why my husband avoids arguments with me or just walks away from them and "lets" me win. In the future when i really do want to know about his ex wife and daughter, I'll just ask (preferably after a few drinks) and I'll ask nicely and not try and start a fight. The few times I have actually taken the time to start a conversation with my husband about them and then gradually asked questions instead of bombarding him with a crazy off the wall question out of the blue it works much better.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
My movie for my paper due on Thursday
The movie I will be doing my paper on is the Notebook. I think there is a lot of good aspects of communication and conflict in the movie.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Entry #1
Until recently I thought I had very good self-esteem and in turn a good idea of self-concept and who exactly I was. I thought I had it all figured out; attitudes, check; values, check; beliefs, check. Wow was I wrong.
The first major thing that happened that gave me a huge shock with my values was getting divorced, scratch that, getting married. Everything changes when you get married epically when at the time of the wedding vows you realize your getting married for all the wrong reasons but just can't back out with everyone there. My parents (my mom and her husband, not my biological father but that in its self is a very long story) always told me, divorce is never the answer, and to prove that even though my mom had an affair and got pregnant with me, she and her husband remained married. In my mind, if you can make it threw that you can make it threw anything. So what I got married for the wrong reasons, we could totally make it work nothing could be as bad as what my parents had gone threw. So that was the beginning of my values changing.
Now along the way to getting married, my values had already changed. I mean all along my whole life I had been taught, don't lie, don't steal, don't hurt or kill other people, don't cheat, listen to your parents and don't want what other people have. I had gone against those values pretty much 100% since joining the Army in 2002. I wanted other peoples rank and was willing to do whatever it took to get, I lied to get things, I stole things from people and I defiantly killed and hurt other people, I figured, it's my job so I HAVE to do it. Its not really that big of a deal. The Army really changed my perception of my values maybe not so much my values in total just my beliefs in my values. I still know the things I did were wrong but I was able to justify them and I feel like that is where my beliefs changed. I still had those same core values but my beliefs changed because I convinced myself it was ok to go against those values.
Aside from getting married just to get separated 2 months later and eventually divorced and joining the Army the BIGGEST thing that changed my self concept and my self esteem was having kids. I'm not going to lie, I used to think I was pretty hot stuff, I had amazing self esteem, I thought I was smart, beautiful, good at sports, great at my job, an amazing friend and an amazing wife. There is NOTHING in the world to make you loose self esteem like getting pregnant gaining a bunch of weight, getting stretch marks, loosing your hair and having your skin to funny things to make you feel like crap about yourself. Everyone always says to you before you have a baby, nothing will ever be the same. Your beliefs will change, your values will change and everything you ever felt about yourself will change and they are so right. I lost all self esteem, I mean lets face it I was pretty much a 200 lb. cow and once you have a baby even if you loose the weight your no where near what you ever were before (sob, sob, sob). I gave up my 6 figure job to stay home with my kids this year and that was a major hit to my self esteem. I mean how can you go from being a Senior Instructor at NGA college to "just a stay at home mom and student". My values changed again, they started to go back towards what I had been taught when I was a child, I realized my parents where trying to teach me what they though was right and I turned out alright so I started learning more and the more I found out I started to go back to my original values. Nothing makes you figure out what means the most to you and what you think is actually right then having to take another persons life in to consideration.
Having kids also made my religious beliefs change. I grew up in a very religious household. Church 2 on Sunday plus Sunday school, and once on Wednesday. As I started to grow up and see more of the world and came from under my parents sheltering house and ideas I started to question a lot of the religious beliefs and things I was tough. The biggest one was God as a whole. People say "Oh the bible is it and that the word and that's what you have to live your life by." Yeah, no. I'd say the BIGGEST thing that changed my religious beliefs was a story from when I was stationed in El Paso Texas and there was a 6 month old baby girl who was killed by her mother, father and uncle. From the first day of her life they had beaten her, raped her and tortured her just because they could. I argued about this with my mom, she said "God gives people free will, they can do what they want it doesn't mean it will be right." My point was, what kind of free will does he give a 6 month old baby and what greater purpose does he have for letting something that horrible happen to a 6 month old baby that has done NOTHING to deserve something like that to happen. That was the day my biggest change in beliefs happen. I can say I firmly believe I stopped believing in God on that day.
All of these things plus a lot more have gone together to make me who I am. I'm still not sure what exactly my beliefs are but I try to live by be a good person and treat others how you would want to be treated you can't go wrong with that. As far as my values, they are still changing everyday and i believe they will until the day I leave this earth. I'm working on my self concept, self esteem no matter how amazing of a person you though you were there is always something that can change it and make you realize you could be better so every day I try and work on it.
The first major thing that happened that gave me a huge shock with my values was getting divorced, scratch that, getting married. Everything changes when you get married epically when at the time of the wedding vows you realize your getting married for all the wrong reasons but just can't back out with everyone there. My parents (my mom and her husband, not my biological father but that in its self is a very long story) always told me, divorce is never the answer, and to prove that even though my mom had an affair and got pregnant with me, she and her husband remained married. In my mind, if you can make it threw that you can make it threw anything. So what I got married for the wrong reasons, we could totally make it work nothing could be as bad as what my parents had gone threw. So that was the beginning of my values changing.
Now along the way to getting married, my values had already changed. I mean all along my whole life I had been taught, don't lie, don't steal, don't hurt or kill other people, don't cheat, listen to your parents and don't want what other people have. I had gone against those values pretty much 100% since joining the Army in 2002. I wanted other peoples rank and was willing to do whatever it took to get, I lied to get things, I stole things from people and I defiantly killed and hurt other people, I figured, it's my job so I HAVE to do it. Its not really that big of a deal. The Army really changed my perception of my values maybe not so much my values in total just my beliefs in my values. I still know the things I did were wrong but I was able to justify them and I feel like that is where my beliefs changed. I still had those same core values but my beliefs changed because I convinced myself it was ok to go against those values.
Aside from getting married just to get separated 2 months later and eventually divorced and joining the Army the BIGGEST thing that changed my self concept and my self esteem was having kids. I'm not going to lie, I used to think I was pretty hot stuff, I had amazing self esteem, I thought I was smart, beautiful, good at sports, great at my job, an amazing friend and an amazing wife. There is NOTHING in the world to make you loose self esteem like getting pregnant gaining a bunch of weight, getting stretch marks, loosing your hair and having your skin to funny things to make you feel like crap about yourself. Everyone always says to you before you have a baby, nothing will ever be the same. Your beliefs will change, your values will change and everything you ever felt about yourself will change and they are so right. I lost all self esteem, I mean lets face it I was pretty much a 200 lb. cow and once you have a baby even if you loose the weight your no where near what you ever were before (sob, sob, sob). I gave up my 6 figure job to stay home with my kids this year and that was a major hit to my self esteem. I mean how can you go from being a Senior Instructor at NGA college to "just a stay at home mom and student". My values changed again, they started to go back towards what I had been taught when I was a child, I realized my parents where trying to teach me what they though was right and I turned out alright so I started learning more and the more I found out I started to go back to my original values. Nothing makes you figure out what means the most to you and what you think is actually right then having to take another persons life in to consideration.
Having kids also made my religious beliefs change. I grew up in a very religious household. Church 2 on Sunday plus Sunday school, and once on Wednesday. As I started to grow up and see more of the world and came from under my parents sheltering house and ideas I started to question a lot of the religious beliefs and things I was tough. The biggest one was God as a whole. People say "Oh the bible is it and that the word and that's what you have to live your life by." Yeah, no. I'd say the BIGGEST thing that changed my religious beliefs was a story from when I was stationed in El Paso Texas and there was a 6 month old baby girl who was killed by her mother, father and uncle. From the first day of her life they had beaten her, raped her and tortured her just because they could. I argued about this with my mom, she said "God gives people free will, they can do what they want it doesn't mean it will be right." My point was, what kind of free will does he give a 6 month old baby and what greater purpose does he have for letting something that horrible happen to a 6 month old baby that has done NOTHING to deserve something like that to happen. That was the day my biggest change in beliefs happen. I can say I firmly believe I stopped believing in God on that day.
All of these things plus a lot more have gone together to make me who I am. I'm still not sure what exactly my beliefs are but I try to live by be a good person and treat others how you would want to be treated you can't go wrong with that. As far as my values, they are still changing everyday and i believe they will until the day I leave this earth. I'm working on my self concept, self esteem no matter how amazing of a person you though you were there is always something that can change it and make you realize you could be better so every day I try and work on it.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Who I am...
1. Most importantly who I am first is a Mother to two amazing children.
2. Second most important, I am a Wife to an amazing husband who even if I tried I couldn't imagine wanting him any other way.
3. I am a Step-mother which to me is totally different then being a mother because it is a whole different set of rules to play by when its not really your child.
4. I am a U.S Army Veteran.
5. I am an ex-wife, which has been a major effect on how my life has changed.
6. I am a Daughter
7. I am an educated professional (believe it or not...)
8. I am a person with high morals and values
9. I am nosey and must know EVERYTHING that's going on with EVERYONE!
10. I am a person who cares and wants everyone to be happy
2. Second most important, I am a Wife to an amazing husband who even if I tried I couldn't imagine wanting him any other way.
3. I am a Step-mother which to me is totally different then being a mother because it is a whole different set of rules to play by when its not really your child.
4. I am a U.S Army Veteran.
5. I am an ex-wife, which has been a major effect on how my life has changed.
6. I am a Daughter
7. I am an educated professional (believe it or not...)
8. I am a person with high morals and values
9. I am nosey and must know EVERYTHING that's going on with EVERYONE!
10. I am a person who cares and wants everyone to be happy
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